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I Knew But I Deny


I should’ve known from the start that falling for your eyes will only drown me in your tears. I got captivated by the way it blinks every time a bee stings. And how starry it is when the night is dark and the moon rises. I got captured by the way your eyes filled the ocean; with a streaming salty clear and the wave of your miserable feeling. 

I should’ve known from the start that same will always be different. That the right thing couldn’t come out of something so wrong. But how can I see it at the very first when all my stare were lingered into your broken soul. I was too busy smelling your comfortable familiarity to even put some senses into my mind. I am letting my hand to trace every hard lines, bruised knuckles, and cracked voice of yours. Until I was no longer can help myself. To kiss the pain away; to kill the sadness off; to be the band aid to your wounds; to melt my bones and fill the void of yours. 

I should’ve known from the start that I will ended up falling too deep. Falling is never be my problem; the goosebumps, the rush, the thrill of not knowing where will I land, I enjoy. I’d love to fall for you all over again, only if I could, only if I wanted to. Falling is one thing, being the only one who falls is another. I should’ve seen it coming. From the way your figure radiates warmth I am longing; the raspy laugh I cannot ignore; the painfully strange fragrance I’ve grown to know; the rigid glance you throw over, you slipped into me, messing the inside of my skull up. 

I should’ve known from the start that I am the only one who will be ruined. Totally, tragically, miserably ruined by you. I caught a glimpse of fire in your eyes and I hold onto it ever since. I thought I am smart enough to prepare all of the waters needed to stop the wildfire. It turns out that your charm is much smarter. It didn’t make the fire bigger, it’s keeping it as a flicker; blaming enough to light the way, warm enough to keep me closely stay. 

And my water turned into a fucking tsunami ended up drowning me. 

I should’ve known from the start – but how could I?
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