About Somebody I Used To Know

Dear you, 

I lost my stack of papers the last time I write to you. It was the same time I saw him (again) on the exact same place and yet he didn’t notice me at all (as always). I wrote to you about how his eyes twitched every time he laugh too hard and sadly I accidentally left it on that coffee shop. No worries though because it’s only an unimportant scribble I always write down when I have nothing to do. Like I do now. I was supposed to be good at everything I like instead of wasting my time on things I really do hate. But I guess it’s a fuckin human nature; to have flaws, to not be an expert at every aspect of life. Or is it just my lame excuses for not trying hard enough, perhaps? Have you ever found a person so brilliant you can’t help but adore and wondering what did they do in their 24 hours worth a day? I have, and it got me thinking like whether they did too much or I did nothing my whole life. Well my rationality chooses the second statement of course since I realized there is a ton of times I did absolutely nothing but breathing and blinking. No wonder I often felt so empty I could disappear. 

I miss you by the way, I miss everyone. I miss the existence of people who used to be around me all the time. I miss talking to them, their companion, their presence. Sometimes I thought about the people I don’t talk to anymore. It felt like we were in each other’s radar 24/7 and now somehow she’s standing across the street, looking at me as someone she barely knew. I can’t even believe what have I done for her then. We go way back together with one of my best. We practically did things which we have never thought about if it wasn’t for her. I cared about my friends─all of them. And she’s my friend, at least I thought she was. Until one day I am sitting here can’t help but smile remembering those things we did, which actually for nothing. Things I learned from that is what making me who I am today. 

You know what, now I’m kind of used to stranger’s gaze, unfamiliar chatter, and ridiculous spelling of my name every time I order drinks from starbucks. The friendly smile from the barista kinda made my day though. I don’t know yet what tomorrow brings or what kind person it made me become, but tonight I’m Adit.