After All

I have always failed to pour my feelings into words
It was like I have never found the right syllable to be combined
Or I was just stuck
Or not brave enough
Or feeling a little bit too dumb for not using a perfectly crafted words
Or too lazy to search it in the thesaurus
Because who the hell got time for that?
Having the urge to tell things to people
While trying too hard to fill her own expectations
To be good at words
To not be afraid to scream her feelings out loud
Without even thinking what was right
And what was wrong
And who is to blame after
And the embarrassment that has to be endured
And the sick feeling of self-pity afterward
And having the—not just second but—third or even fifth thought
That my feelings do not matter
After all