But she is way smarter with words, that I always feel like my writing will never be good enough compared to hers. She complained about how rarely I show my affection towards our friendship through my writing or my random post on instagram. To say that I don't have enough good pictures with her is just a mere excuse because I can simply write my feelings out like I did for my other close friends. But when it comes to her, I never feel like my written word is ever enough. She is a much brilliant writer than I ever be, and most of the time I feel like my words didn't do justice to describe it; to describe how she can be infuriating with her anger & big fire towards injustice of the world; to describe how amazing she is in putting out her thought in a beautiful line of words; to describe how her love is one of the thing that keeps me going.
But she is way stronger than I ever see myself to be, and yet never failed to remind me that I can be so much better than yesterday. For her to have such a small figure that contains million of force inside, she walked on her curvy life path with bravery. She got her life turned upside down, but she never stop throwing her kindness around. Every living being that touches her soul will always be inspired by the amount of love and fire she has inside. The scars, the wounds, the pain, the tears that strikes her should be ashamed because she has her own way to conquer it all. To know her all these years make me believe that it is not our fault if people can only perceive us from our ugliness, it's a strength to let ourselves be fragile and understanding at the same time.
But she is way more brilliant as a human being. I knew her for more than 8 years and yet I never stop being amazed on how many times she can prove that she is able to constantly grow and broaden her perspectives. Every milestones & accomplishments of hers are my pride and joy. I mean, come one, she's on her way to become a doctor, while maintaining her creativity juice by writing her thoughts out — on her blog, on Menjadi Manusia, on her personal journal — she even published a frickin novel. Unlike an emotionally unstable person (read: me), she is also able to maintain her relationship with its ups and downs — hats off!
Through all the buts; through Gossip Girl, Hollywood star dramas, Chairil Anwar "Tak Sepadan", John Mayer beautiful voice, Pretty Little Liars, Cantik Itu Luka, my Grey's Anatomy, her This is Us, our Brooklyn 99 & Stuck in Love, and our other beloved series & movies (cause I'm bad at remembering things); we found each other similar and yet different.
She might live happily ever after with her Dean, while I continuously am loving Jess, but one thing for sure is that she will always be my person as if we're Meredith & Cristina, Serena & Blair, Aria & Spencer, Carrie & herself? — don't ask me who is who ok LOL.
All in all, it is NOT easy to be my friend; to be burdened by all of my scattered mind; to keep up with my annoying-ass self; to be seen in a different way by other people; to understand my love language; to accept that sometimes we need to agree to disagree; to handle my random banter; to listen to all of my weird dreams & long explanation of my Spotify playlists; to be patient on waiting for me to reply the message; and yet she stayed, sometimes complains, but she never does mind.
How can she mind when she loves me so much she even dates an aquarian man that I encourage her to, the first time I met him??? LOL, but it's true though.
This might not be enough to describe how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life, bil, but at least I want to let other people know.
To forever be each other's pain in the ass, until we could live in our future home side by side and beyond.
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