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We will always be a could have had


I used to crawl into bed with the pain of your name
Blood streaming down my eyes; praying for the time you came
Screaming for air at the same time
Not ready to hug you with another goodbye


My whole life I only know you as one,
And eighteen, twenty one, also thousands of none
That afternoon I let the day passed by
And yet, you go back to the place when we were still blind

The tight hug is not helping at all
Neither the easy tone wrapped in a loose t-shirt
Your whole existence reminds me of hell I’ve been living in
Since the last time you let us be gone
And leave me here all alone

Those days I wasn’t even sure I will survive because I used to run from everything by going to your reek-of-cigarettes words and cold as stone mouth. The sweet “oh, darling, remember that you will always come home to me,” used to make relieve streamed down all over my bones. That was enough, the hand to my limped foot; the band-aid to my burning world.

My name rolled over the messages which I knew who it came from before I let my eyes to see the screen of my phone. The hard feeling of guilt-free responsibility to rush into you always come over me. You took comfort out of my “it’s okay, you will always have me,” song I gladly wrote on your full of substance bloodstream. You saw my eyes as enough, time doesn’t heal you said; my warm lips to your open wound does instead.

I traced back the longing of those times
When we were face to face on this breezy stairs
I used to get high on your smile
You used to get drunk on my shine
But we both know that this time,
we deny

So let’s disappear in a crowded strange bar
Laughing at every two people who had us on their eyes
thinking that they could have each other forever
Because we knew it too well that they only sit
on the brink of could have had for awhile



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