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My old man didn’t bring me to life But he sure as hell is there every step of the way; Cradling the innocence within me, Dragging my bones, sometimes way too harshly And yet I don’t mind, I never do He walks as much as he talks wearing the grey too early for his folks Every time his mouth opens, he breathes out my lifeline And yet I don’t mind The ship bows when he whispers to the wind The time comes for the sun to dim, He lingers, not even once giving in Through whomever mouth the cruelty slipped out, He stands, not even once giving up I recall finding every bones in his body breaks apart; His voice raised, his blood dried up; Saltwater pooling in his clear stare, more than he can ever bear But never once I feel the grip of him loose from my ends I might not come from him, not entirely But I might as well be, I always wish I do For he is the only living breathing human being, whose quarter blood runs in my vein, never breaks my heart, or put my wrists in chain Every good pieces o...

Bisikkan malam menderu keras di telingaku beriringan dengan lantun tanpa syair dari sebuah racauan lagu anak kecil yang tidak sedikit pun merdu Gelap angin teriakkan dua senti helai rambut di besarnya kepala berbalut wajah familiar yang dihiasi dua bola mata hitam tajam berlapis geram Lalu seketika satu dua puluh juta kata bermanja tanpa membiarkan jeda tiba dan aku tersadar bahwa takutku akan sebuah tatapan intens pun luruh olehmu, sirna Dalam satu hembus napas aku biaskan indahmu ke masa kelam dan ku lempar hangatnya nyaman ke arah keramaian tak berarti yang mengelilingi Walau sekeras apa upayaku menata detak yang ku kira sudah retak sejak tahun lalu, tak jua hilang kemampuanku untuk selalu bisa bertemu dengan bagian dari hatimu yang kau tutupi kaca bening penuh dengan sirat abu-abu Walau sekeras apa upayamu untuk menjadi orang yang aku benci selama ini, tak jua mampu kau berbohong untuk mengakui keruntuhan tembok tinggi yang bersamanya seraup izin tanpa kata membiarkanku men...

My heart is fire and your hands are the lighter You can cast it aside or keeping me as a flicker The way you lit your cigs is classic And though I am a part of it, You still got sole power to control every bit It was not that thin like any other kind Coming right off the clean white pack, It was tiny and thick; compact With scant of paper left on the end side You’re letting my fire kiss it hastily Only to have more time For your lips to devour it leisurely, Slowly, gently, it burns and burns And it keeps on burning Seven minutes straight before you harshly put it out Much less time than what others prefer to drag But the smell, oh the smell is haunting To the very core, it is intoxicating Tingle in the throat; crisp to my nose And, oh, how every air that tastes like that Injects pieces of you into my blood at maximum dose All of it is white with a hint of aureate All of it is you; taking a poison like it was your last breathe Between you...

Dunia bersuara lewat setiap kisah manusia. Tentang yang hilang, bertahan, dan kembali pulang. Tentang perasaan, dialog kalbu, dan potongan rindu. Tentang satu, dua, tiga jiwa, dan selebihnya yang memberi makna.  Waktu adalah satuan hidup yang lucu. Tidak berupa, namun mampu mengiringi di setiap antara. Penggalan cerita, hembus napas manusia, serta serpihan perasaan. Penentu dari sekelebat, dua abad, maupun yang kini hilang tanpa kasat.  Kala itu aku kenal sederet nama yang goresan hidupnya bertabrakan dengan milikku yang cacat, terluka, dan tidak sempurna. Rinai air mata, renyah tawa, sejuta ribu emosi bergantian penuhi dada.  Kali ini tentang manusia-manusia hebat yang di dalam perjalanan meninggalkan kisah singkat. Tentang perih, hagia, tak terlupa sisa luka. Semua yang mampu dituliskan dengan kata, dimulai dengan tentangnya.  I.  Tentangnya yang dari pertama terasa seakan tidak terlalu berarti, sampai nyatanya menjadi pengisi hari. ...

Indah mu mampu memberi warna 365 hari ku yang lalu Tidak lagi kini, tidak tahu nanti Tak lagi berpendar bak percikan; Terasa sedatar hamparan padang gersang; datang kau sekelebat udara, sedingin minus derajat tiga Februari, kali ini peganglah aku seerat-eratnya

You and I are only good on my papers Written with the trace of tears; Every layers of words Crafted with metaphors Magnificently appeared as a poetry showing off what was ours You and I are only good on your pictures Aesthetically taken; Glimpse of comfortable silence Frozen in a split-second moment The smile in our eyes are blinding the things our lips can’t let out We are good together at hiding it Little did they know, I always write about pain and Your photographs are only left as a memory Of every former agony

You love me a little less than I love you. It doesn’t mean that you don’t, but it predicts the situation where you cut off the ropes and you also are the one who point out the scissor I held to protect myself when one day you really do. You actually did, and I let you to put the blame on me as much as you wanted to. One thing you have to know, I love you a little less now but it’s still more than you once did.

The difference between our same harsh “ I don’t care, ” we repeatedly say to each other out of anger  Lays under its utmost connotation Yours bares the literal reality, while mine tells otherwise implicitly

When you’ve tasted the bitterness of life too many times, you turned into one of these two. Either a mature survivor or a broken living creature. It doesn’t matter who you turned into, the hardest part is the struggling in the way of making it. The only way to get out of the storm is by going through. But I know exactly how it feels when you tried hard enough to go through the storm by dancing under the rain, trying to make a rainbow out of it, yet you feel more broken and defeated. I know exactly how hard it is to keep a positive mind with all of the toxic surroundings. The more you want to choose yourself, the harder it gets for you to live your life.  It gets much worst when you are one of those people who feel too much towards everything. You get so used to put another people first and you find it hard to found the right one who see the world with the same perspective as yours. And if you do, the problem didn’t stop right there. At first, it will be hard for you to...

You are the pain I chose to endure Between my beating heart and gap of breathe The words of mine are being dragged into your lure You are the stream that rolled off my cheek Tear the memories apart and tied my mind into the past I am the one who is being left sick You are a thousand arguments I’d rather have Than an empty silence or even a peace of mind Without its existence, I became irrelevant

Maybe we should’ve never taken things this far.  Maybe it would be better to leave you at hi, rather than being tangled into false accusation, failed connection, and broken affection. But then again, we got no one to be blame. I dipped my feet into your intriguing mind, you cracked yourself open trying to scrutinize mine.  We walked down our misery lane; you serve the medicine to my anxiety, I pull the strings every time you need to flee. But being stretched into nothing was surely not healthy.  We mastered the art of denial, deluding ourselves into thinking that our kind of sick entity could never be torn apart separately.  Words after words that we patched ourselves with, seems like never going to be enough ever again. Somehow I lost track of time between your distance. You left me reaching for the empty space you’ve drawn to avoid the chase.  There is nothing we could repair no more, despite the fact that we used to be the fixer for ...

The wind breezes As it whispers softly Right next to me Stars are hiding Beneath the tree I could just fall, supposedly For his raspy voice and cold tone As it is blurring my vision  But still  The smell of your cigarette  Takes me back to the night  When you were near  How dare you  Reminding me that all of this  is perfect because of the familiarity  Between you and him, the resemblance is uncanny  I cursed myself  For letting the memory of you  Has that kind of power over me 

I live in layers I, myself, spent my whole life to recognize;

I spoke, I talked, I let it out Yet it didn’t reach your full-of-another-voices ears And then being taken literally Leaving me alone, hugging the silence So stop blaming me And asking me to do it more When you are the one Who has no ability to understand the word I speak No matter how many mistake in me for you to seek.

Out of the misery you paint hard across my wrist The longing of mild distraction blinded the eyes of every butterflies They flew away abruptly tearing up the memory Between long hours of wrapping back my skin and bones Your cold hard fingers felt insignificant Never been enough to pull out goodbyes and left it blunt There you are standing in the crossroad where I left you to die; being effortlessly calm While holding a bottle of my falling tears in the cup of your palm

Barang hati terpelintir takdir Hilang pula malam panjang Terhapus sendu; tertiban kenyataan Untuk kau, yang diselimuti indah; Berlapiskan luka dibalik senyum tanpa kata, Genggam erat perasaan yang ia hadirkan di depanmu Dan tolong bisikkan kepadanya tentang arti rumah Serta pastikan kelabunya akan segera sirna Bisikkan kepadanya tentang bahagia yang menanti Lalu jaga sisa hatinya jangan kau lukai Tolong bisikkan kepadanya berkali-kali Karena kata ku tak lagi mau ia mengerti.

You just look so good Standing there Sitting here Freezing in a photograph Smiling over the phone All of those behind your raspy voice Oh man, you look beautiful And great And cool Also cold Yet burning And cute Cute is weak, cute is lazy But you are cute While being a distant great God of Greece also You are cute And beautiful Beautiful sounds feminine But you are not While being a cold hearted hell of a man also You are beautiful With warm voices and cold tone You are so full of contradictory Like me Because I adore you While you are talking Standing there Sitting here Smiling Breaking my heart Shattering it into pieces Acting like it’s nothing Leaving me alone You are so cold I cannot avoid the warmth And you look good Good enough to make me want to hurt you back For hurting me more Yet this feeling is never long gone You are a paradox; The reflection of myself I am trying not to recognize We are a sinner hypocrite; Hating each other out loud Burying any affection so it doesn’t come...

The scent of you creeps into my day; lays between my hair; strong enough to bring around the vision of your figure back into my mind while you are standing beside her with eyes already blind.

Kepada mata coklat berwarna pekat, Nyata mu mengudara sekabur kabut putih Ada, kasat mata, tidak ketara Sampai ironi terbersit keadaan Terik siang termakan pudar cahaya Gelap tiba terkira Yang tidak adalah setelahnya Kurang dari setengah malam tukar kata Soal tiap sudut pelik hidup manusia di bawah sinar kota Dan pandang kita pada titik yang sama Berlomba dengan tetesan penghapus rasa, pengelambu panca indra Ada sesuatu terayun sendu, Terantuk ujung tepi ragu Dan lagi tatap berbicara banyak tanpa suara Di antara genggam yang tak ingin diraih, baru bisa akhirnya terasa: Sirat baru dari hadir yang sudah sejak lalu Tatapan coklat, berwarna pekat, sepasang mata dan sekeping hangat pun menghinggap.

But how could you expect yourself To get over something You don’t even have a gut to let out A buried skeleton Way too deep than you ever thought Behind reassurance words That it doesn’t bother you at all You throw easily to avoid any brawl  Oh, darling, you’d die breaking your own heart  To save them from feeling like they do  In the contrary of your own belief  You stand in your place letting them have their moment to be lived.

One glance of your face is all what is needed Healing and breaking To the very core of hidden feeling  Breathing in your fragrance  Sinking and kicking  The perfect kind of chaos  That’s resembling your cold greeting  And hopeful goodbye  Among the numb of  Seeing your curved lips towards another  It is bleeding  From within  One look,  I am back in the hook  You motherfucker asshole  Why can’t you just go far fucking away  I should’ve left you at hi

Your hands are cold yet my heart burns.

It was in the middle of unexpected probability Started off with my flowing words; Silent gaze of yours, Color crimson in our thoughts, Flying free our fantasy Into a dimmed light of the city White is all over you And I’m caught up in blue

Tak ubahnya waktu berlalu tanpa ragu Berbanding terbalik dengan sayat halus perasaan berbekas luka lama Sepasang bola mata, hembus nafas, elegi senja Serta tiga puluh hal lainnya yang sudah bosan aku tuliskan Bersama panjang kalimat dan gulir detik kepunyaan mu yang telah usai Dalam hempasan kenangan seseorang dapat hidup Berbalut sendu, bertabur pilu, berkelabut rindu Bukan main hidup ini, Bisa-bisanya melucuti takdir dan menertawakan hari lalu Setiap manis kata mengelabui rasa, Bisa apa kalau realita menelan isi kepala Antara pilihan di depan mata Dan kau berdiri di sebrang sana bersama bahagia mu yang akhirnya kau genggam Masih saja aku biarkan sisa dingin malam milik kita bernyawa Hinggap, terperangkap Bersamanya terlentang kaku perasaan ku Enggan hilang, berlalu, Terkujur sia-sia, Membeku Menggigil aku dalam semu

We were the both ends of flowing conversation You said it will always flows I thought we are the end as it goes Uncounted words every three minutes Listen, your mouth only capable of breathing out cold I could only hear my own words running to reach your full heart, begging for your less than a handful sentence; short, blurred, unthoughtful Yet you only listen to the song of pretty bird I would die only to nurture that bird Through whosever mouth it is, I’ll keep you safe, I’ll keep you happy And making you to be the best version of yourself The pain of it equals your full life with the other Without even once it comes to your senses That I can only wait for you to come back from your own high Until then I’ll bleed myself dry It is a pleasure though For me to do so.

Between the chaotic soul and quite voices Somehow saving a gun is the only choice Whether to use it in the time of need Or simply a complete reassurance Of ability to kill the inside demons.

The fresh scented blood wrapped within those flesh and bones and a hooked-on-one-side smile and strange fragrance and crisp of voice and mad figure in dark colors The three spaces and monotone answers and long gone warmth and simple hi and unthoughtful words almost close to dry The other name and painful questions and stone headed skull and meaningless attention and unvalued worries and stiff pat in the side of mine and tall curved fingers wrapped around hers Love looks good on you It is true Love that wasn’t for me Cannot help but flee

I remember those days When the wind blew so hard it brought hurricane; standing still hand in hand Ugly voices were resounding all over; one headphone stuck in our ear, deaf in one and the other didn’t even care Thousand lemons were thrown; three tall glasses of overly sweetened lemonade for our own Blinking too often trying to blocked out tears; dark comes and words of nothing were the perfect reassurance Drown in thoughts smelling death; a simple sentence made it seems like a crazy thing to be afraid Came from the same shit hole; gone through without feeling whole; were cut into the same pattern; had a parallel brain; the exact same burn leaving a stain  Life was fine until it isn’t Until the ring at 3 am were no longer there Neither soggy voices, slurring words, nor sleepless companion Distance were our friend until it isn’t Until the ugly reality sink in, kick in, and left us dead to each other Times were blurry but the mess is clear Broken soul and shit...

The love I knew was a broken feeling. Ruined fraction of a human being. Shattered into words of self-deprecating and midnight thinking.  The love I met was in a dream. The worst kind of wishful dreaming. With eyes closed and a full running mind, consisted of people whose existence is around but have been far way long gone. I met love only when I let myself to be taken over into the unconscious world. Romanticized by a dead logic and a handful of feelings that is kinda sick.  The love I knew was pain. One-sided, unrequited, red blooded. The kind of pain that makes you want to scream with a tied tongue; the kind of pain when a wingless bird learn to fly.  The love I knew was never wants more. Expecting miracle but swallowing every reality only to be awaken to the utter veracity, that love is not always pretty. It’s a monster ready to devour my entire endeavor.  The love I knew was being on the other line waiting for him to pick up. Consumed wit...

I should’ve known from the start that falling for your eyes will only drown me in your tears. I got captivated by the way it blinks every time a bee stings. And how starry it is when the night is dark and the moon rises. I got captured by the way your eyes filled the ocean; with a streaming salty clear and the wave of your miserable feeling.  I should’ve known from the start that same will always be different. That the right thing couldn’t come out of something so wrong. But how can I see it at the very first when all my stare were lingered into your broken soul. I was too busy smelling your comfortable familiarity to even put some senses into my mind. I am letting my hand to trace every hard lines, bruised knuckles, and cracked voice of yours. Until I was no longer can help myself. To kiss the pain away; to kill the sadness off; to be the band aid to your wounds; to melt my bones and fill the void of yours.  I should’ve known from the start that I will ended u...

Once a while ago, the sky smiles so bright Souls can’t help but grinning from below Tragedy and clarity collides Never has she ever Imagine how it must be like For you to walk on her path Wearing your deep laugh up tight While she was busy dragging her sorrow inside  Make no mistake, she still has her rhymes  She just lost her mind  Alongside the way  Between you and everything you all say  To be crystal clear, the thing that happened and being felt  Almost painfully similar to cold skin, close to fresh ocean-scented air  Unfamiliar warmth creeping, shiver down the spine  Longing accompany, eyes became blind  Foreign places, long gone excitement  Dark sky, city lights  Yellow smile, cold nights  Icing on the cake, sour center of candy  Strangers’ chatter, deafening blabber  Empty promises, zero sweats  Three seconds, three frickin miles  Black mark, wrong side...

A flash of feeling that once were haunting The gloomy darkness your existence bring Blows every dried leaves Of a broken tree you carved with ignorance  As if it could go away in a minute  Or even months after leaving none  I thought wrong in every other way  It all came back rushing to the bay  Hearing those voices  Resounding over and over  Brings warmth into the heart  Clouding every demon inside  Filling the void of lightohh  As seconds were eaten by moon  We were three saying away from the old beginning  With zero air I am sitting  By your distant promise of the classic old waiting

Between all of the things You did The poison of yours; You serve, I draught Flowing free inside my blood Among all of the excuses You’re stuck with this: For me being the one Who know your blindside, You thought you already set it right Between the sudden realization And some flying accusation That you know nothing About me at all, Somehow I am lost Here I am Writing you a simple hint If you get it, There are no rhymes At the intersection We took the same left Me walking on the sidewalk watching you whole You drove away leaving behind my all The rear view mirror sees the difference

I am hanging onto the ropes Of the hours you didn’t reply; Of the phone calls you didn’t answer; Of all the time you were a teaspoon of sugar, Then I fell shortly after Into the questions that wrecked me from inside The second you were gone. I’d rather have it kills me Than watching you slowly fade While I climb back into the exact same spot Where standing alone needs a big amount of effort  So don’t be a really good song,  A line of words I cannot ignore,  A written feelings I adore,  Just don’t.  I only need you to do me a favor:  To bring on the good pain  And hurt me deep  Hurt me enough  Until I am able to cut off the string  Until the ache of your existence is finally missing

The night might be dark and full of terrors The world might not stop spinning Or starting to listen Time might never be your friend Or even be civil It all may eat you alive Or leave you to death  The longing might not stop  The sorrow might not be drown  What can you expect after all  From this cruel thing we called as world  The demon has already been by your side far too long  Dark thoughts is all along  But so am I  Just in case you forget  To live  To breathe  Turn me into anything you need  Anything that distract you  From the loaded gun inside your drawer  The next time you let me,  I will put it in mine  Through the dark haunted night  Through the angry dizzy state  Oh, darling, don’t you ever worry  I’ll always handing you the lighter  And the ashes will accompany you  Even when our heart was black and blue

Ironic is what it is; Sitting next to your curved lips Never occupy your mind  Filling your days with rainbow Too much color than you can ever handle  Bringing out the sun  You’re raining it with your whine  Warm hugs  Cold words  Deep talks Hars response Only want to make you feel better on your worst day  Rhymed sentences are written  Her sweet smile stories that makes you smitten is in return  Rather than a pure evil at its best  It’s just a simple heartbreak, I guess  To acknowledge one’s effort  But choosing to ignore it anyway  I am drown 3 miles deep, you lay down breathing salty air at the bay  Simple question of one’s existence  Or two long confession about recurring feeling  To my very eyes you spilled out seven syllables  Seven frozen syllables I am too stunned to even—  “Okay, then, let’s be nothing.  Nothing is good...

Funny, funny young man Come and go as he may as if he knows enough that the door will always open waiting for his arrival even when it is locked, without bother knocking he had his own key to open it immediately Oh, funny, funny young man Never ever thought that every time he’s back he will be leaving the pain.

Kala itu aku penuh perasaan Tentang hati yang tak mampu untuk diisi Dan desir hangat di rusuk Serta kelambu berdebu yang menutup rapat tiap sudut Lewat celah sempit kau tetap bisa masuk  Tanpa mengetuk, tanpa suara, tanpa diduga Antara renyah tawa dan nyaman hati Sayup-sayup langkah kaki sudah merasuk diri Heran, mengapa bisa-bisanya aku izinkan Tanpa ragu, tanpa bimbang, tanpa pemikiran  Mungkin kau pun juga tak sadar Menjelma bagai udara dingin yang lalu, Hembus nafas yang sudah ku kenal sejak dulu, Larut dalam aliran kata yang didalamnya aku tersapu  Kalau boleh memilih Tak ingin lagi aku pergi mengasingkan diri Lagipula mana bisa ku lakukan lagi Kalau ujungnya hanya aku yang berpegang erat Dengan makna dari tiap kalimat mu yang tersirat  Kali ini aku habis akal Tentang pertanyaan yang tak memiliki jawaban Dan pernyataan tanpa kepastian Atau tanda baca yang tak sempat dituliskan  Mau kau sud...

I know I vent too much, too often, and I am good at venting it away but right now, at this very moment, after all of the recent events, I finally realized that most of my problems probably came from my own personal being. No matter how many times I cursed at the mother nature for giving me such life, it all came back crashing into me all over again.  Life was going great, it was really great. I started off this whole new chapter with a clear mind and a clean heart. Along the way, I met people; great people, wonderful people, people I never thought I will be grateful for. And I cannot describe how contented I was, I really was. But then again, life will always have its surprising way of throwing shits, I don’t know about yours, but mine definitely had. It’s funny because I am not able to write that down all but I am trying here. Losing words to be spit out would be the most cliché reason but I have nothing other than to say that my tongue is tied. Silly me to say, be...